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Screen, Turn On

by Jason McCue

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1.
One more time And there’s chaos in my mind Every morning, wondering where things went wrong last night One more time I’ll find the broken lines That will eventually lead me home One more time And, my baby’s feeling fine Though I am oblivious to every single sign She breathes the air Breathes out her will to care And she thinks I’ll understand next time Waking up with a timer in my throat Coughing up the seconds I forgot I’d swallowed whole I spit them out, in my panic, I will shout That I can take this one more time Waking up dead outside of my bed When everything’s closed on a Saturday night Calling my friend to make sure she’s okay When there’s nothing to do in this town but bite My lip so hard that I start to bleed Til my memories come back to life But one more time, I think it’s going fine I can handle this just one more time Sitting by my mountain made of glass I can see a hundred miles from this overpass I’ve seen this all ninety nine times before But I know this time will be the last I will control if there’s one more time And that decision will be mine
2.
Tempted 03:54
I spent all my cash So I bolted fast I fled the scene Stained forest green Drove seventeen Straight hours north and I looked through the glass To my rearview past Moving away on full display Rejoice and pay Nostalgia today, cause All the devil really wants from you Is to admit you’ve been tempted too Changed out of my shirt Cross from the catholic church I went right in My body’s sin Was cloaked within And nailed to my skin with my Hands numb, I took a bite Stumbling toward the light I was walking slow Dying to know Where they all go When their light goes away, cause All the calls I’m getting on my phone Are thieves dressed up in my family’s clothes Even when the sky falls down You know I’ll have your back Even when the ground’s unearthed I’ll get you back on track I went through the trash Rabidly for last week’s Magazine That I’ve never even seen But I can touch my screen Then my trashed self-esteem will Turn me a little bit pale Like the man that’s nailed And suffering Like a phone that’s buffering to show me Some obscene Self reflection then of me, well My eyes are dripping into my hand Pixelated, but I start to understand Even when the sky falls down You know I’ll have your back Even when the ground’s unearthed I’ll get you back on track Even when the ocean’s dried I’ll rehydrate your eyes And even when the last minute’s here I’ll buy you some more time
3.
Blood Moon 03:13
Bloody red moon I offer up my sacrifice Take all of my skin And breathe it in, sweating out cold, pure light Condense yourself down into a square Frozen everywhere, but I feel a fire within my saliva ignite Heavenly moon Tell me what Eden sounded like Swell reality’s tides, eclipsing my eyes Increasing my pupils’ size I don’t feel afraid, but almost dismayed For the air is crystalized But I’ll find a crack and climb up into space to see you I walk through gates of twisted sorrow That decide what kind of light I will disperse into reality My love, I’ve annihilated falsities, brought forward by the dark when you’re not here I have been silent for a couple of days My tongue’s been frozen a couple of ways Now I’d be able to see again But the moon has risen to high Under my bloody red skies Crystal clear moon Will you murder me in my sleep Will your scattered clouds Carry me high to your lonesome keep There, I’ll see your eyes Like moons that don’t rise The fire you reflect will feel warm But after a while, the light of your smile will leave
4.
Ceiling 03:37
I took it too far last night Now today, I think I’m gonna die So I’ll lay down right here Watching the ceiling spinning by Well I know that good things fall apart As quick as they can form And I noticed when there was something wrong When did you get back last night? I did not hear you walk through the door When you talk to me now you don’t look into my eyes no more Oh, what happened? You were my best friend, now I’m the enemy And I want nothing more than to Come back to how it used to be The only way I can sink in my bed Is drowning the room til it’s half the way dead Seeing the liquid inside of the ceiling Come down I rarely used to dream Now you’re gone and I dream every night It is always the same You are glued to the ceiling light But I don’t dream when I can fall asleep With the liquid in my skin So I’m floating along now every night Til the ceiling spins
5.
Flies all around me making patterns in the sky All of their instincts tell them to circle me because my Eyes are shot blood red, three-quarters closed But shine like glass that’s been disposed I want to walk away before they comes and lay their eggs But I can’t get the feeling back into my legs “You’re stressing out,” you said before you sat back down “You’re rocking back and forth and your eyes keep darting all around,” That’s when the sound of your voice carried me Beyond this buzzing misery To city streets all soaking wet from rain Dripping out the memories from inside my brain Will you call me When I move away from here Will you talk me down When I am freaking out cause I can’t hear When I can’t get the feeling back into my ears As I relax, I notice cardinals and robins Closing my eyes, I hear their vocalization I hear them sing in the most brilliant light I stay until day turns to night Feeling so at peace that I could die But just until the feeling comes back into my mind Will you call me When I finally disappear Will you wonder where I have gone, and when I’ll come back here When I lose the feeling in my lungs When I have the strength to fill them up And when I regain feeling inside of my ears
6.
Ocean 02:40
Something lives inside the ocean Something there with no emotion There with no one That’s all that it wants Worried I was overheating I stepped into the retreating Waves, in a spray They pulled me away Into the world that no people know They spoke to me there, they tore off my clothes And I felt good I don’t ever want to breathe the Air again, so you won’t see me This is my farewell, goodbye I know I might have to hurt you So instead I will desert you For my waves That pull me asid Far underneath the air that you breathe My kingdom waits there, my people are scares You could come with me, you would never see Your family again, or any of your friends But you’ll feel good What now lives inside the ocean Something with a pure devotion Aren’t you glad you left all you had Now we can be nice and silent For eternity cause time means nothing It’s nothing now
7.
Kingdom 04:01
I was running down the hall Balance kept holding the wall Just to try to find my way out of this place Indecision, I am here Holding someone else’s beer Getting tired, sitting down onto the floor Nothing else to do but stand My kingdom fading in my hand Bloody nose that flows right onto my phone screen There’s no exit in sight I’ll be with the dogs tonight I’ll be screaming at the moon and counting headlights That are driving past this sorry cast of dizzy stars until the last hour of the night, it strikes like it’s lightning Til my baby said to me I can feel pulsating shocks Dripping down into my socks In my body is a broken strobe light, free from being told When it can be turned on But by the morning, it will be gone So I should disappear, yeah I should flee But my baby said to me Don’t you go home Stay here with me I know you’ve been drinking all night long Don’t you go home Something's moving on the floor Acid skies starting to pour And I cannot get my screen to turn back on Staring emerald in the street Here the good and bad witch meet And the kingdom's changing order with the day It’s just the only time I’ve lost my mind Was when I thought that world was mine So now I’m breaking every screen I see Til my baby says to me Don’t you go home Stay here with me I know you’ve been drinking all night long Don’t you go home I’m looking up to see the morning light Then down to see the dogs run inside And I wonder which direction I will leave But my baby said to me Don’t you go home Stay here with me I know you’ve been thinking of ending things Don’t you go home I know you are burning out on this place Stay here with me You know I will always be on your side even if you leave
8.
Santa Fe 03:56
Screen turn on Screen turn on Mourning doves and flying bugs They dance around my dying buzz Till my screen turns on Screen, stay on Focus on Low horizon lines stretch wide And canyon walls lay side to side But my screen’s still on Memories repeating on a constant loop all day Leave my eyes as numb and dry as this Best Western ashtray I remember this room. This consecrated tomb, floating away Will you still remember me when I get back from Santa Fe? Screen, please be gone Screen makes me feel wrong The string holding the world unties Creating these painted desert skies Til my screen turns on I lift my coat to shield this paper bag all soaked in rain Enclosed, the blood of antichrist is coursing through my veins Unbroken bread and rotten fruit leave this bleached out bedding stained Across the dark motel room, doves and shadows spell your name My banished hands and knees are marked with rug-burn, marked with shame Because I thought my holy promised land would still remain But my entire kingdom's laying trampled in the rain, in the rain As I start my car at dawn, and drive north through the western plains I wonder with my remaining thoughts whether you have moved away And, will you remember me when I get back from Santa Fe?
9.
Decide 04:04
My love, I have seen this place before It’s cloudy in my memory, but we’ve been here I’m sure My love, I am floating down this stream When I fall in, I’ll wake up from this dream My love, morning comes, I’ll steal away Walk slowly down the dark staircase into this dusty day My love, when you wake I will be gone My conscience will be baptized with the dawn I don’t know what I’m doing I am moving on pure instinct I don’t know what I’m doing If I slow down then I’ll start to think In the fork of this river, reality and my hopes collide I am looking at all of my options, and now I just need to decide My love, I can hear the dogs for miles They chase down the stairway where I’m cornered and they smile They say to me, “If you’d stop running, you’d see We’re only here because you let us eat” One last time, then I’m taking control of my own mind And from now on, I’ll let the dogs run free I don’t know what I’m doing I am moving on pure instinct I don’t know what I’m doing If I slow down then I’ll start to think In the fork of this river, reality and my hopes collide I am looking at all of my options, and now I just need to decide
10.
My maturity had never been as apparent as that night Like a dying planet that keeps pumping atmosphere, despite Nothing needs it need since everything got good When I snapped out of the state, the light inside your eyes made up For every darkness or vacancy that mine seemed to be full of Since everything is good Everything is good The ghost of our success is haunting what our world had used to be We had flowered bitter fruit, but ate, pretending it was sweet That everything was good Everything was good Time can be a virus that decays the healthiest of things Even when you breathed me, its oxygen there felt thinning But everything was good, everything is good In the shallows of my heart, the only thing that lets me start To see myself in airs of love is seeing I am not above Thinking everything is good, when we’re not sure what is good

credits

released September 9, 2022

All music and lyrics written, recorded, performed by Jason

Mixed, mastered and produced by Lilian Blair

Artwork illustration adapted from “Far Distant Land” by Pat McDonald (FCC)
Artwork title by Willem Vandenkieboom

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Jason McCue Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Jason is an alternative folk musician

“He had filled up the entirety of the Sky Church with a banquet of characters and emotions and, I believe, the soft buzz that emanates from a group of people trying to hold onto a moment.” - Seattle Weekly

His intricate finger-picking and soaring hypnotizing vocals were undeniable, reverberating throughout the hushed room.” - KEXP Blog
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